Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
