capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
