you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
