you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
