if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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