I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
