the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
