So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
