Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
