so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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