There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
