you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
