**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
