I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How external is "for external use only"?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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