There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
