Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
