god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How external is "for external use only"?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
