i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
