RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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