I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
