and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We left the knife in your bed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
