He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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