last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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