no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
