dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
