I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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