Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just googled if crying burns calories
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
