I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
