Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i think my cat just said my name.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
