Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
