This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
