Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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