this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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