Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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