watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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