the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
All the doctor said was why
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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