It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
