It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
