please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
