He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
