You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
they're like a gay fantastic four
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
