took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
