come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
