Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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