I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
