Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i out mim tonsoeep
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