seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
