Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
