mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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