I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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