She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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