NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
