You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
