So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
