he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
