i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
