I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
