I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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