dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize