Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
