just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
