put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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