it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
