my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
