Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you didnt know i had herpes?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize