"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
