I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
