Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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