mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
