Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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