I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
