Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
