i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
