ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
