I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
