Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
