I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
