she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
