Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
