it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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