I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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