I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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