this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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