WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize