so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
