My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
