you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize