just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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