Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
