Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
