I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
