Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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