ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
