We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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