I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
