overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's always time for handjobs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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